Keeping your cool in this sweltering summer heat is hard work! As the harsh rays of the sun penetrate your skin and make you break out into a sweat, there is one thing that’s working hard to help you beat the heat- Sprite, the clear, cool beverage that helps keep the ‘garmi’ at bay so you are refreshed all day. It’s a tough job- but somebody’s gotta’ do it!

However, while Sprite toils away doing what it does best, there are a few things in life that really don’t do much for you at all, and are frankly, quite useless. These could be objects, people or even ideas that really have no business existing, really, as I see it, because they ultimately help you achieve, well- nothing.

Here’s a list of 5 that top it for me:

1. That expensive gym membership- OK, so I had an ‘Aha!’ moment one day when I tried to put on my 5-years-old jeans and tore my fingernails in the process (needless to say they didn’t make it above the knees- may their soul RIP). So in a fit of self-realisaton, self-directed fury (and all that jazz) I decided to finally get that swanky gym membership my neighbour’s been going on about (spoiler alert- she features in the list too). I went a couple of times too. But I say this in all honesty without a drop of alcohol in my veins that my trainer was a Devil incarnate. Satan, Lucifer, Lord of the Flies- call him what you may. How else do you define a human being who takes sadistic pleasure in torturing the body of another in this monstrous manner? In holy faith, I decided to leave the company of this evil at once! (and buried my jeans in the backyard)

2. The pesky neighbour who buys things for the sole purpose of rubbing them in your face- got one? If it’s not a neighbour, it’s sure to be a relative.  This unique species will buy a car only to drive it straight from the showroom to your driveway. And there it shall remain for what will seem like all eternity, while you are made to memorise the price and laundry list of features. The female of the species will often be seen parading in her territory wearing large, shiny pieces of jewellery (while having seemingly forgotten to change out of her sleepwear). Be warned not to make eye contact, for she is on the hunt for innocent prey that she may blind by the glare of her gold.

3. The encyclopaedic office presentation- OK, so this one might have a use if you’re an insomniac. Otherwise it’s just plain doom. For the uninitiated, this is the encyclopaedia of ‘gyaan,’ often on every mundane subject under the sun, with no real actionable output or takeaway. This one exists not to achieve any particular aim through its existence, but simply to bombard and confuse its hapless victim with theoretical concepts and technical jargon. It is an attempt by its clever creator- who, for the lack of an executable business strategy or plan, will throw his/her victim off track, leaving them bewildered and unable to understand why or where they are. It will seem like a never-ending cycle of slide-by-slide brain lashing at the end of which, you will be left so desperate to leave that you wouldn’t dream of extending the ordeal with a question.

4. Those shoes you paid in 5 digits for- Really? THAT much for shoes? We’ve all been there. The reason why I include them in this list is not for a lack of love for shoes, but for a lack of courage to wear them…out. I mean, every time I dared to slip on my gloves, remove them from their glass shelf, slip them on my thrice-scrubbed feet and barely touched the ground with the tip of my toe, I tended to recoil my foot at the speed of lightning. What if I wear out the pretty sole? What if the ground is dirty? Or, oh horror of all horrors, what if I step into a (gulp!) puddle?! But I am not unreasonable, mind you. I realise that having taken a bank loan to fund these priceless pieces of art, I must of course use them for the purpose for which they have been given life. So I do wear them every day. It was a simple solution really- I just had to learn to walk on my hands.

5. The New Year’s resolution- This also goes back to point #1 (which stemmed from one of the resolutions last year). We all make them. Whether you are drunk with friends at a party or sitting at home watching television and eating out of a bag, you vow to change something on that particular day. We humans tend to believe that with the turning of a page on the calendar, a miraculous force of nature will make us think or behave in a certain way that we haven’t been able to do throughout our conscious existence till date. The firecrackers perhaps spark a centre of false optimism in the brain causing us to take these solemn vows (perhaps it’s the same mechanism which causes us to marry- but more on that in another article). The stronger-willed among us may even abide by our vows for a respectable amount of time. But sooner or later (sooner for the majority of us lesser mortals), we all crack under the pressure. So unless your resolution is never to make a resolution- don’t bother.

If you enjoyed these, check out the new Sprite TVC for some useless objects that just lie around the house all day, while Sprite toils away to keep you refreshed.

(Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are personal only. Coca-Cola does not endorse or support any of the information or opinions expressed in this article)